Friday, June 24, 2005

What do I win?

I was thinking about pride today in a very light manner and I remembered that it's one of the 7 deadly sins. I consider myself a proud man and I could only remember a couple from the movie. I could come up with envy, greed and of course sloth. I encompass all of those traits as well, so I looked up the rest and damned if I didn't sweep the board. Here they are. See how many you can find within yourself.

Pride is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
Envy is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.
Gluttony is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
Lust is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
Anger is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.
Greed is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.
Sloth is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.

I have no further point.

Can't sleep

It's 4 o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep. It's ok I get too much sleep as it is. I just hate what I'm sitting here doing. There are times when I get filled with with remorse over stupid shit I've done in the past and I have no idea why I'm feeling bad about it right now. For the past half hour I've been sitting here feeling like a dick for being too loud in an apartment I lived in 4 years ago. I was loud. But why the hell am I sitting up at 3 in the morning giving that thought a disproportionate amount of attention in relation to anything relevant to my life. This kind of shit happens a lot. I've tried to come up with solutions to my issues. I tried to cut back on the caffeine because I noticed that whenever I had caffeine I never thought about stupid irrelevant shit. That didn't really go anywhere because I'm fully addicted to that shit and I don't think I made it more than 24 hours without caffeine. So I thought it might be my metabolism. Maybe I am not active enough and need to go to the gym more. People in really great shape always say they're happy as shit with their lives, but I think that's a fallacy of logic; how does it go, post proctor ergo hence proctor? Something like that. And I do feel better when I work out, but not to the degree that I was looking for. I hate my job, I could give a fuck about my job. The other day I fucked up in a pretty major way and nothing really became of it. But before I knew that nothing was going to come of it I thought I might get fired and I welcomed the thought. Having a wholly unfulfilling job I think really has me down and is the source of a lot of my unhappiness. Carrie and I are moving to AZ so that I can get my degree and I hope this move helps us. I would like to get my teaching certificate. The way I see it even if you get paid fuck-all if you find your job rewarding on a personal level it helps a lot. Then again I don't really have the frustrations right now about not making enough money (well, nobody makes enough money in So-Cal, but we're not out hoin' ourselves to pay rent). You can argue the semantics of the fact that teachers only work part time so I'm not going to bitch about how much I'm going to be making. But I do hope that a job that I care about in a profession that I chose for a reason other than because they were hiring will help me get to sleep at night.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Too bad I don't have a dancing Jesus or Spiderman or some combination of beer and golf.

So I was at lunch today with my friend Abbie and I was discussing my blog feelings with her. She is opposed to blogs and laughed at me when I told her I had one. She told me that I need to have topics. She suggested celebrities that go to Iraq and come back thinking they're war heroes are douche bags. Although this is true I don't see why my saying it on my own blog makes any difference. So I need to ask myself why would I write in a blog? Who would my audience be? The only reason I can come up with for writing in here would be for myself. So it would be an electronic journal deal that I suppose I would let others read(?). I have kept journals before and I admit that I fount it rewarding to write in them so I think if I go on with this endeavor I will have to be writing solely for myself. I don't want to have a site that anyone can read and I would feel as if I needed to be funny enough for people to want to read or concerned about if someone related to what I was saying and it changed their perspective on things. I don't really want that to happen. I wouldn't mind if I just wrote what I felt like writing about when I felt like writing and every once in a while one of my buddies could look me up and say "hey I wonder what Ed's been up to lately". So that's it. I think I'll just write and accept that I'm doing it pretty much for no other reason than to write and the only people who would ever read it would be my wife or my few friends who are into this medium and feel like looking me up. It's too bad I don't have a dancing Jesus.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Second Post

I am sufficiently happy with how clever my first post is considering it's truly a first timers blog but after looking at it for about an hour and nothing has happened I am starting to realize that blogs like pet rocks do nothing unless you do something to them. It's a twist I wouldn't have seen coming. Clever fucker that blog. Now I'm trapped with at least an hour invested and if I don't continue writing I will never get that portion of my life back. For the first time in my life I understand the Pandora's Box that crack heads find themselves confined to. What to do? What to do indeed? I'll have to noodle on this one for a while. It would be an easier decision if I had something profound to say and wasn't just grab-assing around with my wife for a couple of hours. Hmmm. At this point I am starting to feel that the blog thing is for people who have better shit to say and find themselves in need of an outlet. We'll have to see how this one turns out.

First blog entry

I'm low on provisions. I have been stuck on this island for days or possibly weeks. I fear I might have to start eating indigenous plant life for sustenance. The only comforting thought keeping me sane is that by the grace of some higher force there is a wireless internet connection in range of my Datalink 2.4 G wireless internet card I'm jacking internet access from. I fear these may be my last words. Too weak to continue bullshit.